so what's next?

If you are a senior in college, the number of times you have been asked this question by this stage in your life is so high that if you had a dollar for every time someone asked you might actually be able to start putting a dent in your student loans. While there are some who have known what they are doing post grad for a year or longer or some still have no idea-both of which are fine, everyone’s timing is different. Well, I’ve known what my post grad plans are for well over a year, but I’ve been keeping it under wraps because in all honesty, it’s something I’m scared to admit, and in some ways ashamed of.

I’m taking a gap year, a year off. I’m moving back to San Antonio…and back into my parent’s house. (I’m officially a boomerang child, shout out to Dr. Smith’s Intro to Family & Relationships class freshman year for teaching me that term). I know many people take a gap year-but they DO something on their gap year: teach English in a foreign country, spending time in a discipleship program associated with a summer camp, doing a year of mission work overseas. My plans involve well…a whole lot of I don’t know right now. I’ve been keeping it under wraps, in hopes that by the time I wrote up this news I would have a better idea of what the next year would entail. At first I thought: I’ll write this over Christmas, which became I’ll write this over Spring Break, which became I’ll write this when I take these senior pictures (which was now a month ago), which became I’ll write this when my senior pictures come in (which was a week ago and then I got sick and spent 22 of 24 hours a day of my last week of undergrad sleeping)…and now we’re here. I’m a planner, I wanted to be able to see things through.

As incredibly challenging as being a student with a chronic illness the last seven years have been as a student, there was some level of comfort in knowing what came next-a fresh slate of classes leading me closer to my goal of becoming a college graduate. In less than two weeks, I’ll leave the sweetest home where I hit the jackpot with my roommates—and Grace’s boyfriend (Ben) and Emilee’s fiancée (Connor). The five of us, plus Sadie, have become a family in a sort of way and I will miss their community deeply. We’ve half joked about vacationing together with our future families…the discussion just becomes how we’ll afford to pay for it haha. In some ways, I’m finding college graduation more terrifying than high school graduation. For one, the public school system made high school a nightmare in more ways than I can count. Our whole family was ready to be DONE with the mess that high school was. For the most part, I was same trajectory-college. Following college graduation, everyone seems to be going in different directions: the majority seem to be headed to Dallas (ha), engaged, married…and then there’s me. Ever since I’ve gotten sick, I’ve felt like an outsider but I even more so feel that way following graduation. (Side note: most of my Baylor friends are graduating this weekend but I am headed to Alabama for my friend Melissa’s wedding. I am thankful for the distraction as I think it would’ve been hard to be around campus watching all my friends walk the stage and without the wedding and wouldn’t have a decent excuse to not be there for them except pride. This way, I’ll be in a completely different state, having fun, and therefore hopefully distracting myself.)

So this summer I am going to complete my practicum at the Vine Wellness Center, under the supervision of a play therapist. I am actually very excited about it! (In short, a practicum is an unpaid internship where I work 120 hours. My supervisor doesn’t get paid anything and I don’t get anything, yet we pay Baylor a large sum of money for this to count for three hours of credit, makes sense, right?) Since I am wanting to use this experience as a time to learn more about play therapy and see if this is something I want to pursue (which would require me getting my Master’s), I am hoping to be able to sit in and work with children in the play therapy sessions, but that of course depends on the parents giving their approval. I’m hoping also to work with the Center’s therapy dog, a golden retriever, and learn how to integrate her into sessions. I will also be doing typical intern work such as working at the front desk and running their social media. Hopefully, I will also be teaching workshops once a week throughout the summer, one designed for parents and another for children, either based on my own interests or on the interests expressed by the community. More than anything, I am hoping this practicum experience gives me the vision to see if play therapy is something I want to commit to further down the line, pursuing a Master’s and all the time, energy and money that will go into obtaining the necessary certifications.

Next year will go one of two ways

First option: I end up needing surgery to correct a tethered spinal cord surgery, which is something that Dr. Francamano has been investigating for over two and a half years, the surgery would end up being in Rhode Island (with the possible need for IVIG treatments in New York and a port placement surgery) and I would end up taking at least another gap year to recover from the surgery year. For now, I’m choosing not to disclose more details for the whole Internet to see via blog post, as even the possibility of this surgery is something I have shared with my closest circle. If further testing and the team of doctors working on my case decide this is what needs to be done, then I will cross that bridge with ya’ll when we get there.

Second option: My depression increases. I feel lonely and miss having the community, deeply miss my roommates. I sink into a struggle of trying to find community. Not having a car dampens my social life even more, as I can no longer walk or scooter to the majority of my friends houses. I struggle with feeling like my college degree was for nothing. I see my friends getting married and my struggle with singleness deepens. Loneliness increases as the twins are constantly gone at school, busy with their own activities and my parents are both working. At the end of the year, I still don’t feel certain in what He has called me to.

What I’m hoping for is the middle ground-improvement in my physical, emotional, spiritual, mental and social health. A year of all around well-being improvement and restoration. Some things I have already outlined as wanting to pursue include:

·      See the doctors we have been putting off for years due to school-Neil Nathan in California, Petra Klinge in Rhode Island, the possibility of a trip to another multi-disciplinary hospital (like the Mayo Clinic), improve quality of sleep

·      Explore procedures and alternative treatment options we haven’t been able to take advantage of in the past-IVIG in New York, manual therapy in Dallas, ketamine, find a PT & OT who specialize in POTS & EDS, aqua therapy, arthritis, physical trainer

·      Visit friends and family all across Texas & spend extended periods of time with them just enjoying life-Dallas, Austin, Houston, Fort Worth, friend’s lake house, Margs + Matt in California and/or NYC, Cypress, Dripping Springs

·      Visits at Baylor, A&M, UT

·      Help friends plan their weddings and/or engagements and/or wedding events (I’m an Enneagram 2 so I am my happiest when serving others…let me serve me and help you!!)

·      Find a therapist that I can connect with on all of my beliefs, views, faith and engage in rigorous, scheduled, committed therapy

·      Visit the Meads’ in California once sweet Baby Dana is born

·      Read for fun for the first time in years! People magazine, Sports Illustrated, What Color is Your Parachute workbook, Welcome to Adulting, Single/Dating/Engaged/Married-any other suggestions?

·      Start my journey to read all the way through the Bible-looking for a devotional that can help me do so

·      Join a church, get involved in serving in the preschool ministry and join & invest in an all girls’ young adults’ small group

·      Find social outlets-Kappa alumni group, church life group

·      Decorate room and hope for a possible move (the dream would be a one story with two Master’s or a guest house so I can have my own space)

·      Volunteer at places such as the Children’s Bereavement Center, my church and others

·      Substitute teach and/or shadow at private schools with a Pre-School and/or NAEYC accredited pre schools

·      Find out what the root cause of this insane weight gain is (medically it doesn’t make sense) and loose the weight!!! I would like to drop at least 70 pounds.

·      RELAX! Lots of coloring, nail painting, baking, new artistic hobbies, Netflix/Hulu/Amazon Prime watching-gimme ALLLL the suggestions!!

·      Clean out my closet as well as my parents and replace with new pieces

·      Explore Pinterest and whole foods and Trader Joes, try out new recipes that are “Ashley safe”

·      Have large t shirt blanket made, but only once I start grad school and/or get a job because confession: even though I don’t want to look like a washed up college student living in their glory years, I plan on wearing my Baylor Kappa t shirts until I figure out where the heck life is taking me

·      Mom wants to write a book about my experience at Baylor…I think I’m just going stick to the blog but hopefully work on the 50 plus blog post prompts I have in a document waiting to write/people wanting me to write

·      Explore the possibility of getting a service dog (don’t worry Sadie I would never leave you); when we had looked in the past financially it was either go to college or get a service dog…you can see the decision I made. However, I think getting a service dog would help me in a variety of areas in achieving independence so I am wanting to investigate this further.

·      Investigate the “joys” of Medicaid and health insurance because to be honest, I have to have health insurance one way or another

·      Educating the medical community on POTS & EDS is one thing I am really passionate about. I don’t know exactly what this looks like, but I’m thinking going into nursing schools and med schools to educate them, inform hospital staff…this is something I will have time to dream about what will be most effective and helpful for not only students like me but that those in the medical community will respond well to.

Where does this take us from here? Well, yet again, we really don’t know. I literally cannot not have health insurance which throws in a whole another wrench knowing that I won’t be able to work full time. Some things I have to think about:

·      Career options: ideally working in early childhood and then pursuing a graduate degree for play therapy

·      Pros/cons of grad school for play therapy

·      Pros/cons of working in early childhood

·      Professional friend (kinda sorta not kidding)

·      Nanny

·      Other thoughts: writing devotionals/books, blogger, professional friend (kinda sorting not kidding), children’s ministry, family ministry, family camp, training therapy dogs, NAEYC...

So, this all boils to what I believe has been a challenge for me every day since I became sick seven years ago: the older you get the more you desire independence and autonomy and yet here I am, going backwards. The older I get, the more I have had to depend on my parents in ways that I had never imagined, and truthfully never had I. My mom keeps telling people “can’t believe we’ll be empty nesters in a year” (i.e. when the twins go to college) and I keep having to tap her on the shoulder and be like…um what about me? This is not the path my parents and I could’ve ever imagined and, in all honesty, I feel guilty when I think about it. When I was born almost 22 years ago, I have a hard time believing that this is what they thought their daughter’s life would look like 22 years down the road. But then, once again, when in life do things ever go as we had planned?

So, how can you help? First off, if you’re in San Antonio-be my friend!! Getting out of the house and being around peers my age will be key. As mentioned above, I am also looking to join a church and serve in the preschool ministry and join an all-women’s young adult small group (the small group doesn’t have to be associated with the church necessarily). If you’re not in San Antonio (which is the majority of you), stay in touch! Facetime and phone dates are great gifts. If you’re down for inviting me to stay with you for a night or two as I visit friends on my gap year, that would be wonderful. If you’re in San Antonio or nearby, let me know-I would love to see you. If you have ideas for how to make friends post grad, let me know. I am a social person in every sense of the word and so the thought of not living with two of my closest friends and within blocks of other friends scares me. I also welcome any TV show suggestions, book suggestions or recommendations for new hobbies. Finally, you can pray. My family and I need a whole lot of those. Prayers for wisdom in what to do next in my health care journey. Prayers to find the right team of doctors to address my medical needs and give me hope of some sort of improvement in quality of life. Prayers for my depression. Prayers for the Lord to provide me with guidance in how He wants to use my talents to the best of my ability to glorify His Kingdom. Prayers for my future spouse, if that is in His will. Prayers that I stay in touch with those that I’ve met at Baylor that mean so much to me. Prayers that I find a church home. Prayers that I find a small group. Prayers that the career path He wants me to pursue is made clear. Prayers that I find community in San Antonio. Prayers for my parents as they continue to go above and beyond to care for their sick child. Prayers for answers. Prayers for hope, determination, faithfulness and strength.

In the Lord’s prayer, the line “not my will but Yours be done” and I don’t think there’s a better phrase to describe this next phase of life I am beginning to enter. May I trust His will and His greater plan, because in the end, it’s not about me, it’s all about Him.

^“ This is the reason we do not give up. Our human body is wearing out. But our spirits are getting stronger every day. The little troubles we suffer now for a short time are making us ready for the great things God is going to give us forever. We do not look at the things that can be seen. We look at the things that cannot be seen. The things that can be seen will come to an end. But the things that cannot be seen will last forever.” -2 Corinthians 4:16-18

seven

“Life is a journey, not so much to a destination, but a transformation. Looking back, doesn’t it sometimes feel like our richest times come right in the midst of our hardest? But God made us to live in community, to laugh and cry. To hurt and celebrate with each other, no matter what we’re going through. And transformation is tough, and we don’t always end up where we think we will. But we have to remember, that even when we struggle to believe in Him, He always believes in us. He fills our lives with purpose and passion, if we just let Him. And the best part of the journey, is that the God of the universe, sometimes allows us to play a part in changing the world. Isn’t that a trip?” -To Save A Life

I’ve started my anniversary posts with this movie quote I don’t know how many years in a row that it has almost become a tradition-I feel it exemplifies so much of what I feel on this day and what this day is all about. Seven years ago today, I was diagnosed with Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome.

If you know me whatsoever, you’re probably thinking “Did Ashley really write her seven-year anniversary blog post during the first official day of March Madness?! What is happening to the world?!” Do not fear! This blog post is a compilation of thoughts that I’ve journaled over the last few months and I’ve just decided to highlight a few in this blog post talking about some of my thoughts and experiences since I was diagnosed on this day, March 21, seven years ago as a freshman in high school. For those of you wondering about my Q&A and requested blog topics, I have about 50ish blog posts I want to write about (lol) and parts of those may be addressed here, but most of those topics deserve more time and attention and detail than I can give them here.

On a positive note, for the first time in five years and for only the second time in seven years, my Spring Break was not spent in hospital and I went on our first family vacation since we went to San Diego my sophomore year of high school-our family went to Colorado! My dad’s roommate and best friend from college and best man in his wedding, lives in Denver with his wife and two kids and they have a house in Winter Park. The last time I went to Colorado post diagnosis was for a family reunion the summer after I got diagnosed and it was ROUGH-I had a miserable week. Despite Colorado being my Dad’s favorite place, I personally had not returned in the trips he had taken with my brothers as I was afraid of having another terrible week. We were much smarter in our planning of this trip-allowing myself two days in Denver to recover from travel and adjust to the altitude, taking a full day to adjust to being in the mountains, knowing my body will have three or so “good days” in the time we were there and taking advantage of it, shopping at Whole Foods before we got in the mountains, etc.-and it paid off!

Yes, there were several days where I couldn’t get out of bed or do much but sitting by the fire overlooking the snowy mountain caps was a welcomed view. I got to spend quality time with my family and saw my first ever snow fall! It even snowed eleven inches one day we were there! My family and I enjoyed some time coming in town from the Hilty’s house to the Winterpark resort to enjoy the beautiful snow fall and walks around the neighborhood. We had a family game of Uno that lasted a whopping 45 minutes, college basketball #ChampWeek watching, hot tubbing, making meals together and even a family Bachelor Finale night! (Side note: I had never watched the Bachelor before going to college and began watching during Kappa pledgeship because since all my other sisters were doing it and I wanted to be informed too! Well…I’ve been hooked ever since. My brothers have been giving me crap for the last four years about it for watching it and what do you know…now that the twins both have girlfriends who watch the show, they watch the show too! However, the highlight I think was watching it with my Dad, who specializes in pre-engagement/pre-marital/marital counseling. He had never seen the show before and his comments were hilarious. Maybe I’ll make him watch every week with me!)

One of the most incredible parts of our trip was that I got to go SKIING! Yes, you read that right! Back in 7^th grade pre-diagnosis, our family went skiing in New Mexico and on the first run of the first day, I blew out my knee (which we know now was because of my EDS) and got to have the lovely pleasure of being driven down in one of those emergency carts-done for the trip. After receiving my diagnosis, I really didn’t think I would ever ski again. My dad and brothers were planning on skiing for four days, while my mom and I did other things around the area. On Monday, we went to the resort and were looking for a place to get a snack, found a place, and then were looking for a ramp for me to get in. I saw a sign that said, “National Sports Center for Disabilities” and I told my Dad, “well you know there has to be a ramp nearby!” We found the ramp and decided to walk in and talk with the front desk.

         I was quite apprehensive to put my name on the waiting list, as I am not an adrenaline seeker, but I was so amazed by this organization and their ability to get anyone, regardless of type of disability or severity or age, down the mountain. Saturday morning, I got to go on a snow cart by a company called Tetris that was developed by a doctor out of the University of Utah who worked with spinal cord patients and was frustrated at them not being able to ski. I hope to share some videos on social media soon, but essentially it’s a wide cart with skis underneath and I control it by a joy stick (left for left turns, right for right turns, backwards to slow down and forwards to go faster) and there’s an instructor behind me tethered to me in case I go too fast, are headed in the wrong direction, headed into a tree, etc. and another instructor skiing beside me with a joystick that can override my joystick should I do something wrong, have a health issue or start to become unsafe. It should be mentioned that this is only one of three in the world right now and is on loan to Winter Park until March. The University is hoping to get feedback from these three and then raise enough money to build 25-30 more and then give out for free to resorts around the country.

         I got to go on three chair lifts and everything! The first run went well, but mid-way through the second run, my right turns stopped working, so the instructor was making all the right turns for me. Then, her right turn stopped working! I crashed into a mound of powder and some trees but was all strapped in (I wasn’t going anywhere!) the struggle just became getting me out of the body deep powder in this heavy machine! It took both instructors as well as 4-6 other people to pull me out and for the rest of the run, the instructor tethered to me decided to just ski me down for safety reasons. Bless his soul, that machine is not light, and neither am I, and poor guy looked like he could sleep for 24 hours once he finally got me down! All in all, it was an incredible experience and I loved that my brothers and Dad (and Robby Devlin who was with us) got to ski me some on the second run and my mom got to see me come down the mountain at the end. I don’t think that’s something any of them thought they would ever see again! I had an amazing time and am so proud of myself for doing something outside of my comfort zone and would love to do it again, especially in the years to come when they’ve fixed the right turns *insert wink*

A topic that I think needs to be addressed is that when I first got diagnosed, there was this belief that POTS would go away once my body was finished with puberty, in my early 20’s. This never quite made since to me, as I thought-if my autonomic nervous system is wired incorrectly I don’t think that’s something you can fix? About three years ago, as my research advanced, we learned that this is in fact incorrect. For some people, their symptoms may decrease after puberty but that’s often because the cause of their POTS is puberty itself. POTS can have many different routes causes-Lyme’s disease, hormones, pregnancy, a car wreck, etc. However, since my route cause is EDS and EDS is a degenerative connective tissue disorder, my EDS isn’t going anywhere, and neither is my POTS. My doctor confirmed this fact about two and a half years ago and while part of me was proud- “Aha! I knew I was right!”, there was a big chunk of me had a hard time of accepting that, yep, this is yet. And not only am I not going to get any better, I am only going to continue to get worse. That was part of the decision to go skiing even though it was outside of my comfort zone-who knows where I’ll be five years from now, and to finish school now-even though it would probably be smarter and highly advised by my doctors to take a break-today is the healthiest I am ever going to be. That’s a tough pill to swallow, and is hard to think about some days-if I’m in this much pain at age 21, what is 40 going to look like? Will I even make it to 70? Will I be able to have a career? Be the type of wife, mother and aunt I have always dreamed of? Take trips to places and volunteer in ways I’ve always wanted? However, I’ve come to the realization that if you think about it, we are all slowly dying, I am just more keenly aware, and perhaps that’s a good thing-it keeps me on track to focus on the important things to me and take advantage of opportunities when they present themselves.

Medically, as with most things in life, I refuse to settle. We upped my antidepressant from 100 to 150 this last month and I have seen some improvement although I have had the opportunity to participate in some things that could create a false high-Baylor All University Sing with Kappa and Spring Break in Colorado-so it will be interesting to see how my body reacts to the “mundane” everyday life. I have no shame in admitting that I take medication for my anxiety and depression, I’m pretty sure that if you have a chronic illness, anxiety and depression often come with the territory, which makes sense if you think about it. You no longer have the ability to have the life you dreamed of, people continually leave your life, you’re in constant pain-all of which lead to depression-and then you can no longer predict or have any control over what happens next as your body has a mind of its own-that leads to anxiety.

Sadly (and with more crocodile tears than you can imagine), I officially “outgrew” Dr. Patel and had to switch to another POTS doctor. We saw this doctor a few weeks ago and to be completely honest, I was not highly impressed, but am going to continue to give she and her staff a few more chances, in part because there’s not many options. Yes, she spent a good chunk of time with us and yes, I realize no one will ever match Dr. Patel-ever. I truly believe he is an angel-he has a way with his patients and making them feel comforted, I never once felt like he was giving up on me, and even when he was frustrated with my case he never stopped trying. Doctors and healthcare in general are a mess to me. For the most part, doctors seem to carry an ego about them and don’t like being told something different, which I can understand-I would want there to be value to what I say after spending all those hours and dollars in school! However, for a patient like me, I 99% of the time know more about my conditions than the doctor and not all doctors are receptive to hearing that, even when I frame it in a kind way. My case almost always causes frustration with doctors as my body is such an intertwined mess no doctor really knows where to begin or even try to improve my quality of life to get me where I want to be; it doesn’t help that there isn’t much research done on the conditions I have, often risking me being “the guinea pig”. For example, unless you’re blind, you’ve been able to see I’ve really struggled with my weight the last four or five years (separate blog post on that to come if I can ever get the guts to write it). However, when you are in a health care system where doctors don’t really work together well or communicate, and in addition they have most likely not seen a case like yours before, it’s hard to collaborate when you’re working with a dozen doctors in different offices all just giving it a shot in the dark. All the while, my weight continues to climb, my self-esteem continues to suffer, and my frustration grows.

So, the question becomes-where am I seven years in? Most people, especially those I don’t see in person or have an in-depth conversation with regularly with assume I’m healthier because they don’t see me in the hospital all the time for extended periods of time when in fact I’m dealing with a degenerative disease. In all honesty-I’m not in better, I’m just smarter. My parents are less scared, more informed and increasingly trusting of me, my gut and my research and smarter in their own decision making. I don’t trust the healthcare systems and really don’t trust hospitals. I do my own research. I don’t believe in a “one size fits all” approach for my care as I know I’m beyond unique and no one doctor, or facility really knows where to start with me-it’s up to me to find the doctors I want to pursue. I continue to search for better specialists until I find ones who genuinely care, want to help my case, are willing to be collaborative and trust me and my experience (I do know my body the best as I am the one dealing with it every day!)- I deserve better than mediocrity. I continue to advocate for myself with those around me and try to use my story to bring awareness to others, so they don’t have to suffer like I do-I’ve attempted to create Dysautonomia Awareness Day at Baylor with the Student Body President and want to present to pre-health societies, med schools, send out info sheets to those in the medical field, etc. I do so much research and digging and putting pieces together that my brain never stops, and I really don’t understand why I don’t have an honorary RN and MD already. (half joking) My body is always trying to tell me something-it’s not meant to work this way. You can’t force it to do something. You have to be smart. This is where my child development brain kicks in-I think of Vygotsky’s theory of scaffolding. Essentially, you want to have goals that are a little bit out of reach but are attainable with the proper tools and assistance from resources and other humans.

So, where does this leave me moving forward? I finish my course work for my Bachelor of Science in Child & Family Studies with a focus in Child Development in May and will be moving home to San Antonio to complete my practicum (aka unpaid internship for three hours of credit required to graduate) this summer. For my practicum, I will be working at a therapy wellness center, specifically under a play therapist, which is a field I am considering pursuing. I am VERY excited about it and think I will be a great fit! I can’t wait to share more as confidentially allows and I obtain more details as my practicum start date gets closer.

Weddings have become my favorite form of social interaction and I LOVE that I have entered the “wedding season” of my life. I had the honor of attending three last fall and have five this year-one next month for my uncle, one in May in Alabama for a church friend since elementary school, one in November for a Baylor friend and two in December-one for my best friend since birth and the other for my roommate of the last two years. I absolutely LOVE weddings and the social interaction they provide, and as cheesy as it sounds, they give me something tangible to look forward to. Until you live with a degenerative illness and every day in pain, you have no idea how important it is to have things on your calendar that you know will happen that you can count down to-they give you the courage to keep going on days that really suck, because you know you have something to look forward to down the line. In addition, I just really love weddings and always have…In the midst of all of life’s challenges and the craziness going on in the world, weddings are the most beautiful reminder of all the good things the world has to offer. There is nothing more special than watching two people who selflessly love each other commit to a lifelong Christ like union, while being surrounded, supported and encouraged by those they love most. I love seeing my friends so so happy as they marry the loves of their lives, reuniting with other friends who also love the couple and making new friends as well. Bottom line: If you want to cheer me up, invite me to your wedding. Kidding! Kind of hehe *insert emoji wink*

The realization of the fact that I only have eight weeks at Baylor remaining has begun to set in this week as I sent out texts to friends I want to see on my “farewell tour” as I space out my time remaining in this city at this school that has blessed me with more I could’ve ever imagined or dreamed. (Yes, that is another blog post to come). Today it hit me hard when a friend for an above wedding mentioned she was going to be sending out her dates and wanted to know if she should send it to my Waco address or my San Antonio address. My heart dropped like a ton of bricks knowing this stage of my life that I have worked so hard for is coming to an end, and my time in the cutest house with the best roommates (yes, another blog post about that too-it’s about two years overdue) will be over in the blink of an eye.

If you are anywhere close to being a senior or graduating, you’ve most likely gotten the question, “So what are you doing after graduation?” so many times you want to slam you head into a wall. I promise to make a blog post about my post-graduation plans sometime in May, simply because emotionally I’m not ready to share with the world yet. What I do know though, is that Baylor has blessed me with more than I can dream of, and none of this would’ve been possible-Baylor or the last seven years-without the relentless support of my family, specifically the dedication of my parents and the loyal friends who have been there through it all.

Just as I begun with a movie quote, I figured I would finish with another quote from one of my all-time favorite movies- “Courage is not the absence of fear but rather the judgement that something is more important than fear. The brave may not live forever, but the courageous do not live at all” -Princess Diaries // What a wild adventure this chronic illness journey is, but may I never quit fighting-hope, courage, perseverance and faith are our biggest weapons.