joy

First off, thank you SO much to everyone who has visited & read my blog. Before I began typing today I checked the numbers and over 200 people read my last post, wow! My goal was for a dozen people to read it so I've exceeded my goal, that's for sure. Also thank you to everyone who has contacted me in any way to tell me how much they enjoyed my blog. It's scary putting my heart and emotions out on the Internet for everyone to see so hearing positive reinforcement is encouraging and motivating. With that said, I'm a little nervous that this post won't live up to the last one, however I'm going to try my best to speak from my heart, be honest, be open and be vulnerable. Another challenge with this blog is I have so many good thoughts running through my head but I have a challenging time expressing them through words because of brain fog, (part of cognitive impairment, part of POTS) so please stick with me.

The crazy thing about my first post is that as long as it was, it only takes you from the beginning of my POTS journey to my diagnosis. It's been almost two years since I was diagnosed and since then so much has happened in my life, I really don't know where to begin. For that reason, my future blog posts will most likely be an eclectic compilation of several different aspects of my life. I hope to share lessons I've learned, ways you can help me, but also what's going on in my life now. 

Several weeks ago, I read a line in my Jesus Calling Bible Study that stuck out to me, has stayed with me and I'm going to share with you was this-"don't judge a day as devoid of joy just because it contains difficulties". I think that sometimes I get into a mood where I'll wake up to myself and think-"wow, today I feel even more awful than usual today is really going to suck" or "I have a lot to get done today and don't have enough energy to do it, today is going to be a bad day." I think that is a thought that the devil places in my head. He wants me to think if my day isn't completely devoid of any challenges it's automatically going to be a bad day. But that isn't true!

Since I read that quote, I have it in several places around my room to remind myself of that truth. In His word, we read 'Today is the day that the Lord has made, I will be glad and rejoice in it!" (Psalm 118:24) As tough as it may be, I try to remind myself that just because there are roadblocks in my way doesn't mean today can't be a great day! Now, I don't want ya'll to get the wrong idea...there are plenty of days where I lay in bed in my room and cry, or complain, or ask "why me?" but I'm trying to work on not only a mind change, but a heart change as well.

The week or so after I received my diagnosis, I entered a very dark place, and a place I'm not proud of. My depression had worsened and I became a person I didn't like. I was constantly crying, and doubting my faith. I consider myself to be a good person and I didn't understand why God would let something this horrible happen to
 me. "Why do bad things happen to good people?" was a constant theme in my complaints and screams for help. It hurt my parents to see me like this, and I remember them telling me that being negative wasn't going to make me feel any better. I've learned that focusing on the negatives in my life only makes me feel worse.

Once I came to that realization, I've tried to find other ways to outlet my thoughts so that way I'm not always focused on how bad I feel. From Young Life leadership to daily Bible verses to baking for friends, I've learned the more I focus on others and on my relationship with the Lord the happier I am. An acronym for joy comes to mind:
J-Jesus
O-Others
Y-Yourself

I encourage you (and am challenging myself) for whenever I'm feeling down to stop the focus on myself and think about others. We were made to love and we were made to love for something greater than ourselves.