TWENTY NINE YEARS (as of July 19th ✨🌷) 🌻💕🌟🎀🧁🌸 || one HECK of a year, that’s for dang sure. Few years in my recent memory have been more draining, taxing or exhausting as this one in every facet of my life-physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually.
Day after day, week after week, month after month of repeated cries out to The Lord of “I have nothing left”. Between IV antibiotics to continue to battle the post op infections, averaging 7 doctor appointments a week, multiple shots a day (Lovonox is THE worst), weekly iron infusions for months, we thought I was bleeding internally at some point (I wasn’t), we thought I had a blood clot in my lung there for a sec (I didn’t), completely overhauling my diet (the girl who had a salad for lunch DAILY & has a mega sweet tooth hasn’t had a salad or raw veggie-or chocolate-in 9 months), holding our breath for weekly lab results + more, in the midst of me REFUSING to let my health define me…it’s been A LOT.
So much so that I, the extrovert and ever so a people person, was exhausted in multiple ways, really shut down. There’s much my own brothers, close friends & mentors don’t know about the last 18 months or so-which is so unlike me! Truly, there’s lots I’m convinced only my parents & therapist know (a MVP team if I’ve ever seen one!). At some point, I hope to get to my friends an “Ashley State of the Union”…at some point 😉 know every prayer, cheer, “thinking of you” text, flower delievery, birthday text has been a bright ray of hope in my world that has been often filled with so much darkness.
PRAISE GOD seven weeks ago, we got lab results that my WBC was in normal range which feels HUGE 🙌🏻 While I’m still on high powered antibiotics twice a day (and will likely be for the rest of my life-playing chance that an infection could come back between my spinal cord and brain stem is just too risky), we now can get labs done every other week and go to infectious disease every three weeks. The big win with that has truly been I feel like I can finally start peaking my head out from being forcefully submerged underwater and with that, getting some of my JOY back.
I am continuing @thebiblerecap, with 3 books of the Bible down and now in Leviticus (woof…iykyk). I’m excited to return to my ASK classroom with my preschoolers soon, and hopefully will get to spend more time serving & loving more preschoolers & their families in more capacities. I am dedicating myself to proritizing social time with friends (including their littles)-here in SA, going to visit and connecting to those further away through FaceTime, as I know often that connection, friendship & having something FUN on my calendar are one of the best forms of medicine for my soul. I am continuing to work diligently & frequently with my physical therapist, dietian + trauma/EMDR therapist all star team and my lengthy & robust roster of specialist doctors in San Antonio, Houston and across the country. As this upcoming year unfolds, hopefully I can continue to get my head & body further above the water & the waves.
There is strength in the quiet. His timing is often not our own, His ways are often not what we wanted or thought was best for ourselves-and let’s be real, as selfish, sinful humans we arrogantly think we know what’s the very best for ourselves. Praise God we do not! Bible story after Bible story, generation after generation, century after century we see His faithfulness brightly on display-God is *exactly* who He says He is.
HE 👏🏻 IS 👏🏻 WHO 👏🏻 HE 👏🏻 SAYS 👏🏻 HE 👏🏻 IS 👏🏻
There are plenty of questions, concerns & situations I have for The Lord that I know I may not ever get the answers to or clarity I seek-at least on this side of Heaven. But this I know assuredly: He is faithful and He knows what’s best. And I praise God for that. Hallelujah what a Savior!
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