Well, we were praying for an option, and now we have one. On Wednesday morning I will be having surgery to get a port implanted on the right side of my chest.
We had somewhat discussed the possibility of a port with my doctor in the past, but we thought this was something that maybe we would encounter in the future. However, with my health in the state that it is and not getting any better, we are now making this step earlier than we had planned, or rather really planned at all. Meriam-Webster defines a port as "a small medical device (as of plastic or titanium) that is implanted below the skin, is attached to a catheter typically inserted into a blood vessel, and has a small opening through which a needle can be inserted to administer fluids or drugs or withdraw blood". It's inserted near your heart so this way you can access your body through the port rather than getting the traditional "needle stick to the arm".
Why am I getting a port now? Well for one as I've talked about previously, I'm running out of veins. You have to give veins an adequate amount of time to recover after using them for something (IV, blood drawn, etc.) and with my veins already being difficult, we're having a hard time finding veins to use. It's dangerous to leave an IV in for more than three days in the same spot, much less almost two weeks. However, currently I cannot walk without an IV and even with one I'm not fully functional. The port will allow me to have IV's more often and for it to be safer without us worrying about damaging my already difficult to find and difficult to use veins, or worry about the risk of blood clots. Also, the next treatment options that we may be looking at all require me to have a port inserted at some point, essentially. So, if I will need one eventually the hope is by inserting it now we can start treatment sooner.
One of the downsides of getting the port is that I'll have a metal object in me for up to ten years. (Ports can be removed sooner than that if they are no longer needed, but can remain in for up to ten years.) It's scary to think that after Wednesday my body will never look the same. Thankfully, Dr. Patel is having them implant the port under my left breast (around the rib cage) so that it won't be as visible on an every day basis. (If you google pictures of ports, you'll see the majority of them on people's breast/chest. Mine will still look like that, just won't be in the same spot.) The hope is that by the time I get my port removed (and hopefully will not need another one) I will have developed more and my scar will no longer be visible. However, for the time being I will have a metal piece inside me, and that blows my mind to think about. The only times others should clearly see it are when I'm in a swimsuit, have a low back top on or a dress with cut outs, but I'm interested to see how different fabrics look on top of it, as I'll most likely have to avoid clingy fabrics for the time being if I don't want people seeing it.
I would say I have an okay self esteem (you learn to care less about what people think of your appearance when you're in a wheelchair with an catheter in your arm carrying an IV pump around town) but at the end of the day I'm human, a 16 year old girl, nonetheless, so of course people's opinion of me is something that I'm thinking about. Also, it's going to be weird looking at my own side and seeing something inside of me for the next few years. There's also the scar, which I'll have for my lifetime, visible or not, and it's scary thinking that the decision to have this surgery at 16 is going to affect the way my body looks for the rest of my life.
I'll have a small incision made in my neck (for them to put the tubing in) and then the cut for the catheter. My mom will have to bathe me for a while longer, as I can't get the area wet for a while until it's finished healing. I'll be bruised, swollen and in pain after surgery, but hopefully that won't last longer than a week. Once the site is healed, I can swim and shower with the port inside of me (not while I'm hooked up to a pump or tubing, but all other times), so I'm looking forward to having that increased independence. It's weird to think about that when I remove my catheter from my right arm Saturday that this could be the last arm IV I have for ten years!
The surgery isn't a major surgery, I will be put under, but it is an outpatient procedure that should take about a hour, and I should be able to go home by the end of the day. (Ports aren't necessarily rare either, most likely anyone you know who has had cancer has had a port.) It may not be major, but this surgery will be tough on me just because my body is so weak and unhealthy. Also, in the past I have had a hard time recovering from being put under full anesthesia.
So, how can you pray for me as this new adventure draws closer? Pray that the Lord covers me with peace. I don't usually get scared about much when it comes to my health care, I'm pretty fearless, but I'm scared, and it's scary to me that I am scared. Pray that the doctor's are blessed with His wisdom and able to do their job to the best of their ability. Pray that the site doesn't get infected and they're able to get a good connection to my heart. Pray that the Lord covers my parents with comfort, it can't be a good feeling waiting in the waiting room of a hospital while your child is in surgery. Pray that I make a quick and low pain recovery. Pray that the port is helpful and by getting the port implanted we're able to try some new things that will hopefully make me feel better. Pray that I'm reminded that my true beauty is found inward, and it doesn't matter that I have a piece of metal protruding from my side. Above all, please pray for a safe and successful operation.
I'm well aware that this post isn't my best work, and I apologize for that, (I didn't sleep a single minute last night and have been horribly, painfully achy all day-thanks for another drastic weather change Texas) but I just wanted everyone to be aware of the next (big) step in my journey. Thank you to everyone who has prayed and will continue to pray over me in our continued quest for me to be healthy once again.
Why am I getting a port now? Well for one as I've talked about previously, I'm running out of veins. You have to give veins an adequate amount of time to recover after using them for something (IV, blood drawn, etc.) and with my veins already being difficult, we're having a hard time finding veins to use. It's dangerous to leave an IV in for more than three days in the same spot, much less almost two weeks. However, currently I cannot walk without an IV and even with one I'm not fully functional. The port will allow me to have IV's more often and for it to be safer without us worrying about damaging my already difficult to find and difficult to use veins, or worry about the risk of blood clots. Also, the next treatment options that we may be looking at all require me to have a port inserted at some point, essentially. So, if I will need one eventually the hope is by inserting it now we can start treatment sooner.
One of the downsides of getting the port is that I'll have a metal object in me for up to ten years. (Ports can be removed sooner than that if they are no longer needed, but can remain in for up to ten years.) It's scary to think that after Wednesday my body will never look the same. Thankfully, Dr. Patel is having them implant the port under my left breast (around the rib cage) so that it won't be as visible on an every day basis. (If you google pictures of ports, you'll see the majority of them on people's breast/chest. Mine will still look like that, just won't be in the same spot.) The hope is that by the time I get my port removed (and hopefully will not need another one) I will have developed more and my scar will no longer be visible. However, for the time being I will have a metal piece inside me, and that blows my mind to think about. The only times others should clearly see it are when I'm in a swimsuit, have a low back top on or a dress with cut outs, but I'm interested to see how different fabrics look on top of it, as I'll most likely have to avoid clingy fabrics for the time being if I don't want people seeing it.
I would say I have an okay self esteem (you learn to care less about what people think of your appearance when you're in a wheelchair with an catheter in your arm carrying an IV pump around town) but at the end of the day I'm human, a 16 year old girl, nonetheless, so of course people's opinion of me is something that I'm thinking about. Also, it's going to be weird looking at my own side and seeing something inside of me for the next few years. There's also the scar, which I'll have for my lifetime, visible or not, and it's scary thinking that the decision to have this surgery at 16 is going to affect the way my body looks for the rest of my life.
I'll have a small incision made in my neck (for them to put the tubing in) and then the cut for the catheter. My mom will have to bathe me for a while longer, as I can't get the area wet for a while until it's finished healing. I'll be bruised, swollen and in pain after surgery, but hopefully that won't last longer than a week. Once the site is healed, I can swim and shower with the port inside of me (not while I'm hooked up to a pump or tubing, but all other times), so I'm looking forward to having that increased independence. It's weird to think about that when I remove my catheter from my right arm Saturday that this could be the last arm IV I have for ten years!
The surgery isn't a major surgery, I will be put under, but it is an outpatient procedure that should take about a hour, and I should be able to go home by the end of the day. (Ports aren't necessarily rare either, most likely anyone you know who has had cancer has had a port.) It may not be major, but this surgery will be tough on me just because my body is so weak and unhealthy. Also, in the past I have had a hard time recovering from being put under full anesthesia.
So, how can you pray for me as this new adventure draws closer? Pray that the Lord covers me with peace. I don't usually get scared about much when it comes to my health care, I'm pretty fearless, but I'm scared, and it's scary to me that I am scared. Pray that the doctor's are blessed with His wisdom and able to do their job to the best of their ability. Pray that the site doesn't get infected and they're able to get a good connection to my heart. Pray that the Lord covers my parents with comfort, it can't be a good feeling waiting in the waiting room of a hospital while your child is in surgery. Pray that I make a quick and low pain recovery. Pray that the port is helpful and by getting the port implanted we're able to try some new things that will hopefully make me feel better. Pray that I'm reminded that my true beauty is found inward, and it doesn't matter that I have a piece of metal protruding from my side. Above all, please pray for a safe and successful operation.
I'm well aware that this post isn't my best work, and I apologize for that, (I didn't sleep a single minute last night and have been horribly, painfully achy all day-thanks for another drastic weather change Texas) but I just wanted everyone to be aware of the next (big) step in my journey. Thank you to everyone who has prayed and will continue to pray over me in our continued quest for me to be healthy once again.
"O Lord, be gracious to us; we long for You. Be our strength every morning, our salvation in time of distress." -Isaiah 33:2
I just got the "No School" phone call and saw your post. I an inspired by your courage, strength, beauty, self awareness, maturity, knowledge but most of all your faith. We will be praying for you Ashley. God is with you. .. always! ♥
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