First off, I survived my first official SAT test! It took me eight hours but by golly I finished! I still don't know how I managed to finish other than sheer will, strength and determination and on strength not my own. A huge thank you to everyone who prayed for me Sunday and to my sweet momma who spent the whole day helping me through and my sweet daddy who kept the boys out of the house until I was finished testing. I wish I could say I'll never have to take it again, but I know there will be at least two more times I take the SAT, as well as multiple ACT testings. I went to bed right after I was done (9 o'clock!) and am still exhausted, even two days later. It was a grueling and extremely tiring day. All I gotta say is I better do something really fun/have a big celebration when I get into college (because I'm determined that I WILL get into a school that I love and want to attend) because it's been a heck of a lot of work already!
Secondly, my port surgery is tomorrow morning. I'm getting more and more nervous (especially tonight with tonight being the night before) but I'm ready to have it done and over with. We talked to my anesthesiologist tonight to get my questions answered and then have questions for the surgeon tomorrow. We're the first surgery tomorrow, so that's nice as I can get it over with and we don't have to risk anything running behind schedule. I'm anxious to see how it looks once it's in and I'm hopeful that my body accepts the port and doesn't reject it. If you could please pray for me tomorrow for the things I mentioned in my last post, that would be awesome. Please especially pray at 9:30, as that is when my surgery is scheduled to begin.
As I showered tonight, I passed out twice. However, I was determined to finish my shower because this is the last time I'll be able to bathe myself for the next week to two weeks as we'll have to keep the port site dry in order to let it heal. I looked down at my stomach and thought to myself "this is the last time my stomach will ever look like this for the rest of my life" and began to tear up. However, I'm clinging to the truth that beauty is not measured by outward appearance, and I refused to be defined by a port or a scar or an illness. It brings me much comfort thinking about all the possibilities the port may open up and the freedom it may bring me.
Lastly, my sweet best friend Marissa has ordered blue rubber wristbands with white writing that say "Today I choose Joy" on one side of the outside and "Hope for Ash" with an anchor on the other side to sell to fund raise money to off set my medical bills. (God has truly blessed me with an awesome, mature, giving, compassionate and selfless best friend in her!) They will be $4 and should be in sometime next week. Once they're in, I'll let ya'll know and give you a way to contact her if you're interested.
Thank you again for the continued support and prayers, please pray extra hard tomorrow morning as I undergo my surgery beginning at 9:30.
"I don't know what the future holds, but I know Who holds my future."
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